BigRigBruceCominAtCha: Mar 29, 2011

Welcome home boys, they say the first game back after a long road trip is always hard. Egg that. A win will sweep the carolina dicksneezes with 6 straight this season. It's the least we can do for japan. Fucking water based natural disasters. On behalf of all the japs and jap mustard, Fuck you Eric Staal. Who's in net? Who's back? Fuck if I now, I'm just crusin til post-season. I even let dj king pick the lines tonight. Heres hoping for an ovetchtrick on not my-boy cam ward. And an injury to that rookie so no one will ever have to hear that stupid fucking announcer play "skinnnnnneer" over and over. ITS THE SIMPSONS, GET IT?! WAIT! LET ME PLAY IT 17 MORE TIMES" fucking fuck. That being said good luck to jammy pootfinger in the ultimate champeenship and to jiggy on the bronze bout. Great! Ima go get all up on this crackrock the southeasters are hooplin about.

Bruces Blog Results Are In! Mar 27, 2011

Results came back! Semin is Mojo's peepaw!! Pizza party at kettler!

Bruce Here: Mar 26, 2011

Fuck the canadians, fuck them for putting their game notes in French. Fuck them for not making up their mind then putting them in English. Fuck them for killing trees taking up twice the amount of paper. Fuck the Taco Bell center. Fuck that bitch ass pk stoopban. Fuck ex-cap halpern. Fuck Neuvy for getting sick and killing Reggiez' dreams. Fuck Canada. Fuck the French. Fuck that gay ass logging clogging Montreal dance at the opening ceremonies at the Olympics. Fuck these fucks if they think they're gonna get anything other than a replay of the Bs game. And fuck my boys if they think I'm gonna let them get on the plane if they dont rape. They can fucking walk.
Fuck a doodle doodle buu buu Bruuuuuuuuce

Brogues Blog: Mar 25, 2011

Oh Ottawa, our home and native land. So we're playing the beavers tonight, and it's gotta be a big game for us, well not for us, we've clenched that playoff spot, but for my good friend Reggie. Rumor has it, with injuries, tonight Hendricks and dj King are going to be first line wingers. AND since I'm the coach let's just go ahead and CONFIRM IT. Jk, fuck you dj, Hendricks, you stay. Fehr is back, so is mojo, complete with badass face stitches from morning skate. I told him the squarehead girls love scars but he still cried and I had to hold him all night. (we're still waiting on the results of mojos DNA test) This'll be a big game for Neuvy, his last before the big V goes back into the net. Reggies needs him to be good. Anyway, let's take it to that fuck gonchar like the screaming eagle he abandoned and maybe Breashear away his good looks. On a sidenote, I've been looking into getting into the dramatic arts, I wrote a play and in the off season I'll be staging Bye Bye Brucey. (Nah, no fucking fag shit, just how I'm signing off today)

Bruces Blog Results Are In! Mar 24, 2011

Results came back! Arnot is Semin's peepaw!! Taco party at kettler!

Battery Throwin' Bruce's Blug: Mar 22, 2011

PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS!! YESSSSSS sssssssssshhhockey, right. So taking down the top dogs without Ovie will truly test our Moxie, especially with greenfehrarnot also out, but lets not focus on injuries, lets focus on the fact pronger is faking to make sure we don't brain matter splatter him...but let's not focus on injuries. We gonna pop up Brooksy to that Ovie spot to drop power moves and kamikaze in on the flyers homebase, and I've been working with the boys on developing some secret plays called Philly Trash Sluts, where we all scream PHILLY SUCKS DICKS and then all the fans, all retard strong, rush the ice, we quick jump back into the locker room, then when the crumbums are done ripping their own team to shreds we skate back out, pop a few in the net, stack the dead bodies into a mountain at center ice, climb them in our skates (for a visual imagine claude gerruxs lifeless eyeball getting skate stomped) drop our pants, take a fucking shit, plant our fucking caps flag through the skull of van reem a dyke, and scream FUCK YOU PHILLY! THIS IS WHY YOU CANT HAVE NICE THINGS!
MOTHERFUKIN' BRUCE MOTHERFUCKIN' OUT!

DJ Brucey B Blog: Mar 18, 2011

Yoooo, that stink is comin in thick. I assume its from Sammi Sweethearts STD ridden poon. (You bet Bruce saw those nuide pix leaked yesterday) But we got Pauly D on our side, blowing grenade whistles at every jersey play (because they're ugly...) The real story here is that goddam turncoat steckel, I hear he has to give rubdowns to elias and kovy until he scores (ha!) It's a shame Arnot wont be there to shit on his old team, but the king is looking to get a third point on the season (lol, we keep him around just to shit on, poor dj) and I think we'll see some big moves from Brooks. This'll be a good game to whether you're on the bench, watching it on tv, or at kettler smokin faceblunts with fehrerskinearnotbackyvarlygreenandpoti. Oh, and on a side note, these jersey moulinyans can't even make a decent panini. What's that about?
Bruce Toots!
(I'm trying new catchphrases, the boys seem to laugh at that one, I'm not sure why)

Bruce's Blog: Mar 16, 2011

Detroit, Your entire city is on it's knees, why don't you blow us while you're down there.
Bruce.

B^3: Mar 15, 2011

Oh. Canada. I almost forgot how much montreal sucks, thank god we got to come back. I think as long as we break price early we shouldn't have trouble dealing with neerdowells like cab camillere or that black tj oshie or the columbian guy playing in french canada. There's supposed to be protesters outside today upset about the charra hit, but they'll be less upset than the habicrabifrenchword fans inside when the puck is dropped and young boy John Carlson nets his first hatty. (yeah, with arnot and backs as no gos someones gotta step up). Since we've gotten up here I've lost 15 lbs. All these stupid bastards cook appear to be stew made with snow and beets. WHERES MY POUTINE! BRUCE WANTS HIS CORN SYRUP! I predict a win this week for Travis the Moonstar, as moon stars and the rarest and most valuable type. Oh. And a caps parade when we return home. Duces.

Bruces Big Booty Blog: Mar 13, 2001

So we wont have Backstrom, but I'ma let Holtby have the start against the cup champeens. That african born Muslim demanded Patty Kane to use his mullet powers on us, but Mike Green was at the white house too! Let's see how well the hawks play while tripping on the LSD he slipped them. I bought all the boys a tub of wrigley gum for the bench so we can chew Chicago history and spit it in the face of boss hoss. Mandatory 9 pieces chewed for 9 goals. Look out for mojos gonna be dishin em out, and arnot is gonna hit his 400 goal mark today. T o learn the enemies way I've been stuffing deep dish pizzas all week, but its game time and I only have Uno thing on my mind....U BEEN BRUCE'd P.S. Pierrre will be here, I'm gonna see if I can steckdeck his dick.

Bruce "Big Time Hockey Coach" B's Blog: Mar 11, 2011

Since we don't play the rangers again this season stall will pay in blood for his brothers transgressions. Green and backstrom and poti may be out, but Im ready to unleash my secret weapon. (I call him jay beagleeee).  Ovie made his 600th point last game, expect his 700th before the season ends. I know all this seems disjointed, but it's the hurrrrrcanes, if we can't beat them we might as well hire steamtrain workers to shovel our own shit into our mouths. Plus Brucey just downed some coconuts with rum I imported from tampa. Alright, enough material yet? Time for Bruce to lean back and smoke a fatty with backy, that dude starts talking all sorts of squarehead jib jab when he's lit. PEACE

Bruces Blog: Mar 9, 2011

Just like in my C-Class its time for the yearly oil change. Worst place in the west is still better than penguins place in the east, so I'll be pushing my boys hard (wait til you see our coveralls uniform I got the jiffy lube people to hook us up with) to slide and glide and spinmove through the slick (g)(c)reaser (creaser....like goalie who protects the crease! that shit'll catch on! its fucking brilliant!) known as KABIbowling. I think we took my 10 year old kabi bowling for his birthday last year, thats the one with the bumpers? So watch out oil, or Ill call BP to tophat you up (thats the only bad joke I have ever made)  Anyway, who the fuck knows, Eric Fehr might show up today....Love, Bruce

Coaches Log: Stardate 0307011.730

Well, Weiss played well, based on some interviews it appears my chainsaw cuban got confused and visited the bolts coach. Oh well, that guy always seems angry anyway, I don't think I'll be too worried until he develops a coke habit. This will be a tight game no doubt. And no disrespect to stevey Y but I hope to embarass the bolt then throw a bunch of rolos on the ice! Yeahhhh! Who saw me get pissed about how much the refs sucked last night? That was pretty fucking brave of me, right guys? Anyway, this one is for the peps. Bruce out with a little inspiration, just like I said to my boys this morning 'the world is yours".

2 words, Sounds like: Spruce Dog: Mar 6, 2011

It may be raining in DC but we been deep sea fishing all weekend down in the orange juice state. Now, maybe we ain't beat the cats in a while, but I sent some cubans I know to introduce Weiss to my friend Mr Chainsaw. I think he got the picture. We got a chance to do some real good and my boys aint gonna blow it. In summary Wideman nets 2, embarrassing former teammates to the point of a cats suicide pact causing a 2012 southeast expansion team move to the Alabama Meth Slingers. Someone go cut the top off a coconut, Bruceys thirsty.

Bruces Blog: Mar 4, 2011

No game today, everybody go get yer dick sucked. You know double knuble is.

FROM THE PAST

Using the time machine I was able to go back in time to find previous blogs. Here is one that was missed.
-Bruce

Bruces Blag: Feb 17, 2011

Today we travel to the heart of the queef reef to do battle with assholes named for vinegar saturated snacks. I wont stand for any more tom foolery, we havn't won since 1993 in the reef, but facts never scared bruce fucking boudroeu; Heres a fun fact: I hear neimi left the blackhawks so he could be closer to San Francisco to visit the gay bathouses. But am I scared he's gonna bang my butthole? No. Because I'm the winningist fucking coach you'll ever see with a blog and i ain't scared of facts. So heres some fiction you can buy into: we're cloning Hendricks. Twice. Welcome to the all fucking Hendricks line. AND I'm talking to you rain clown. Learn to spell your own fucking name. BRUCE OUT!

Bruce the Shark game notes: Mar 3, 2011

This looks to be one of the tougher games of the season, Brett Hull, Adam Oates, and some fella named Gretzky look to be tough to stop, and with grant führer in net, it'll be tough for us to start. Fortunately I've invented a time machine to take us to the year 2011, where I heartell the blues are nothing but extras in Japanese squidporn films because they don't make any money playing hockey. Hanman hattrick all from kal-al (supermans uncle) assists. BRUCE (and tj oshie) OUT. 

Bruces blah blah blahg: Mar 1, 2011

The injury report says dePietro has facial fractures, funny, my wifes cheekbones can seem to take shots of Bruce sauce with no problems. The rest of these islander bitches are in trouble, 3 new dukes in the lineup means trouble for the always confused jack capuano; "Dey got new players? How dey o dat ding?" Anyway, I'm not worried I installed a 3DTV on the bus and got a bootleg of drive angry so the boys'll be PUMPED. I'm gonna go give a tissue a Bruce shot before we head out. PEace nigggasssssssssss.

In Bruges Blog: Feb 26, 2011

The first syllable in wisnewski is my piss in Dwayne Rolo Tony's eyeballs. Seriously, it's the islanders...they're hot now? Really? Then how come the best known player is some douche with piss in his name? Here's the deal, we'll beat them in long island, we'll beat them in verizon, we'll beat them in the trenches, we'll beat them in the fields, we'll beat them on the beaches, we'll fire bomb the other 4 boroughs out of spite. Go get me a fanta and something with curry. Bruce be gone! Bruce be gone!Bruce be g--

Bruces Blarrg: Feb 21, 2011

You all seen what I do the penguins every time I have a party. EVERY TIME What's different tonight? Well, I gave Steckel the C tonight. He deserves it. That'll piss off the dumb penguins coach enough to challenge me to a fight at center ice during the second intermission. And I'll accept. And I'l win. I've been working the heavy bag with Earskin for weeks prepping for this match. And if Stecks cap'nship aint enough I've printed 30,000 buttons with a picture of him in his winter classic hat that say "GAY" in all c-a-p-s caps caps caps. In red font! Why don't they make bugles anymore? That's a fun chip to eat. I'm gonna go call someone about that, I'd be a good spokesman.

Backlogs

Unfortunately some of the most genius backlogged bruce blogs have been lost and gone to the sands of time. I await the prince of persia return of the brilliant talk of queef reefs and busted julie the cats. Until then, remember them fondly.