Bruceys Even Wilder Ride: May 1, 2011

Sorry for last game dear readers. I blame it on our equipment man for givin hannan ovies stick. its that ovie curve that made that puck bounce on in. We tied him up in the freezer for the last two days to teach him. sighh.

Im fuckin tired of sittin back and watchin my boys get raped by a saint, and a horse man (lecavalier/cheese dick French asshole). anyway, im puttin arnott in the suit and im lacing up the skates tonight. Look for double zero skatin blazin and layin out on the ice. Imma come on for the extra attacker. Get some legs under this power play.

I told nicky I would make him eat ten gefilte fish for every goal he misses this game. Boy hates the stuff, starts screaming. fuckin hilarious. Even semin was twistin his dick about it. In other prank news, Ovie double dared MOJO to lick Guy Douchers scar every time we lose a game. Screams just like Nickie. Semin just dies. You gotta see his face…the way his eyes just….light up.  

Oh right, game analysis…We KO’d two of those bastards last game with some THUNDER of our own and we’re lookin to Tyson the rest of em tonight. Break their fucked up trap 1-3-1 whatever the fuck. Even Roenick thinks its boring. Do the lightnin not want Americans to love hockey? Americans need flash boom bang, shock and awe and brucie wants to give it to the people. Hard. Ive got a tattoo of an eagle carrying a bear eating a snake covered in BBQ sauce on my chest. The TB lightning hate America plain and simple. St Louise, LeCavalier, Stamkos…the list goes on. Send em to git mo.

Anyways, My extra attacker skills and peepaw arnotts skills behind the bench will lead us to victory tonight over those Canadian, trap lovin, America hatin assholes.

Stamkos looks like hes got the same skull structure as Crosby. Just sayin. Gonna crack him in two and bury him under verizon. Hope the NHL doesn’t read this fuckin thing. Don't want them to tell the refs to keep fuckin us dry for my writins.

Heres a poem I wrote today.

Onward boys onward, fuck all the light

Look for double zero, streakin down the ice

neon lights of Chinatown, stink of MSG (wearelouder)

all the steve downies in the world

cant stop, big rig brucie

submitted that beaut to Knubles bimonthly lit mag/teen zine today. Been reading DJ’s shit to help out with my phrasing.

Kindest regards,

BRUCIE

ps fuck you Pierre