JK BITCHES, the whale is dead, a hurricane took its rotting corpse to Carolina (like, which one? amirite?!) where it continues to rot. As if they thought putting a red sweater over something putrid would cover the smell. Or help it play better. In fact, what better comparison of canes hockey than a dead rotting whale carcass! Move over William Shake 'n bake. mmmm shake 'n bake. What? Oh, right, King leer aint got shit on that met-a-4, bobby orr.
So its opening night, you're all tucked in, dvr on [rec] for Hadeed youtubeing, and future Ameritel triplett jerk-seshes (fingers crossed!) And ladies and gentlemen, your Washington Capitals. I think we have a good season ahead of us, and it all starts with this game. To be honest, I havn't looked at what the other teams did in the offseason. I don't mean to brag, but I was prettttyyyy busy all summer (be sure to check out my "What I did this summer" entry coming soon.) So I guess the first time I'll check out the line-up will be when we take the ice in the first period. (warm ups is bruceys nervous-tick-pureed-meat-shake-chow-time). They still got the skinner kid? That guy was jick and a half. (thats my new word. you cant use it, dont even try) Ill bet they made him captain during the offseason. He's clearly better than Staal.I got a joke for you guys.
The Staal brothers.
GET IT? bahahahahahahhahah. oh god, I made Knubes shit in his depends he was laughing so hard at that one.
...what?
My boy, Backie, just told me they picked up Tom the Taxi-cab from Boston. I guess this changes a few things, like how they'll be in 8h place instead of 9th. *Yawn* Just a different pest to swat away in 4 (bobby orrrrr!) at the end of the season. (More on this when we beat them in 4 (burrrbbyy orrr) in the first round of playoffs). So tomorrow, youll be asking me what I've got up my sleeve, what line combos will Brucey go with, is Troy a first liner or a third? Will mojo be the center for line 2 or line 4 (Beeerrrrrbbrrrrryyy eeerrrrrrr). How will my blue line men work together? I dont doubt we'll have some kinks to work out, but trust bruv, believe, we'll come out of here with a victory box in our trunk. And enough goals from each player to win any fantasy hockey match you have this week if you have but one player from our squad. (Could you imagine if there was some genius drafted only Caps-men? That bastard would be unbeatable!)
Words. Im sick of them, thats all summer is for. Fuck words! Fuck words right in their stupid fucking letters! LETS PLAY SOME HOCKEY!
Im looking forward to seeing you all rocking your red post game on the dj king party dirigible.
<3 Brucey B
p.s. desktop size pic looololol
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