Final Bruce Toots of 2k11: 12,31,2k11

Kuzy, baby, where have you been my entier life, a hat trick and 4 assists in the first juniors championship game? ho mamamma, Am I excited for next year? Yes. Yes I am. Time to leave the KHL and come on home.

So, the blue jacks are tonight. eh? It's kinda like playing the sheepdogs, but you cant count them out, theyre pretty cool at things like their 6 regulation wins. And we're pretty shitty on the road. It could be a real adventure. But Ovi, Semin, and Backie are all streaking hot like a goddam shooting star. My new years resolution for the cappies is a Carlson hattrick and an Orlov Goal. And Eaksters back. How fun. Rick Nash and Antoine Carter are pretty rock steady. (lahahhashlaopl;plololol). Chimera is made of the same glop that oozes from colombus, and he's our leading scorer [editors note, nope, ovi with 14, ya ding dong]. so lets be careful.

MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION IS TO PUT ALL FAMILY MATTERS TO REST.

YOU WILL CHOKE ON YOUR SHITTY DUCKS GAME PLANS, MOOSE.




to everyone else, happy new year
BRUCE TOOTS

p.s. its the end of the week, can we have Mike Green back?

Flipping the scrip

Alright. I get it. Time for the exact opposite of last game. Welcome to Verizon, twats.

class FlipScrip{
            public static void main(String[] args){
                     System.NHL.load("FlipScript"){
                          System.NHL.out("Capitals: 10, Buffalo: 0);
                    }
           }
}
     
well, i guess not the exact opposite. but a scripflip none the less.


˙sɹǝʞɹoʎ ʍǝu ǝsǝɥʇ ʞɹod

˙uʍoʇ sıɥʇ uı sןɐıɔɹǝɯɯoɔ ǝɥʇ sunɹ ʎǝɔnɹq ǝsnɐɔǝq ʇǝdɹɐɔ ǝɥʇ ɹǝʌo ןןɐ pnɯ pǝʞɔɐɹʇ puɐ ǝsnoɥ suosןɹɐɔ oʇ ʇuǝʍ ı uǝɥʇ ˙dn buıddǝʇs pǝʇɹɐʇs ǝɥ ssǝןun ǝʌɐɹb sıɥ ɯıɥ pǝʍoɥs puɐ ǝsnoɥ sqɐظuooʞ oʇ ɹǝʌo ʇuǝʍ ı uǝɥʇ pǝןɐǝɥ ǝq pןnoʍ ǝɥ ɹɐǝʎ ʇxǝu ǝɯıʇ sıɥʇ ʎq ɯıɥ pןoʇ puɐ 'ǝɹnʇnɟ sɐɯʇsıɹɥɔ ɟo ʇsoɥb ǝןoɥʍ ǝɥʇ pıp puɐ ǝʌǝ sɐɯʇsıɹɥɔ uo ǝsnoɥ sʎuǝǝɹb oʇuı ʞɔnus ı 'sʎɐʍ ɹǝɥʇo uı sʎoq ɹno dןǝɥ oʇ ɹǝʍod ʇɐɥʇ ǝsn oʇ pǝıɹʇ

˙ssǝʍoɹd-buıʞɔnɟ-ɹǝɥʇoɯ-ǝʞıן-pob ʎɯ ɥʇıʍ sɹǝʎɐןd buıɹnظuı puɐ punoɹbɹǝpun buıʌıן uǝǝq ʇusɐɥ ʎןʇɐuıɟǝp oɥʍ ˙ʇı ɥʇıʍ op oʇ buıɥʇou pɐɥ oɥʍ uɐɯ ɐ 'ǝɯ oʇ ǝsıɹdɹns ɐ sı ʇɐɥʇ ˙ʍoʍ ¿ʇno ןןɐ ǝɹɐ sǝʎoq puɐ 'sɹǝʎɯ ɹǝןʎʇ 'ʞǝuɐʌ

˙ʇno ʎɹʇ oʇ ʇǝb uǝʌǝ ʇ,usǝop ǝɥ ([uosuǝʞןıʍ ǝıbbǝɹ ʎoq ʎɯ ɯoɹɟ ɹoɟ ʞɔnɟ ןɐıɔǝds ɐɹʇxǝ] ɐɐb ɹıǝɥʇ uɐɥʇ ɹǝbbıq sǝןoɥʇʇnq ɥʇıʍ sǝıןɐob ɹoɟ pǝʞoʌǝɹ snʇɐʇs-oןɟ) ɥɔʇıq pǝɹıɐɥ ʇǝןןnɯ ʇɐɥʇ ןןǝʇ ɯɐǝʇ ɔıdɯʎןo ʇxǝu ǝɥʇ ɥɔɐoɔ oʇ pǝʞsɐ ɯ,ı uǝɥʍ ˙buıɥʇǝɯos uo ʎɐןd ʎʇʇıɥs sıɥ ǝɯɐןq uɐɔ ǝɥ os ɯıɥ uɐɹ ɔıɔnן ʎʞɔnן sʇı ˙ɹɐǝʎ sıɥʇ ɹǝusןıɯ uɐʎɹ ɟo pnoɹd ʎןןɐǝɹ ǝq ʇsnɯ noʎ 'ʞɔınq 0661 ɐ ɟo ǝnןɐʌ ǝןɐsǝɹ ǝɥʇ ןןɐ ɥʇıʍ ˙ʞǝǝʍ sıɥʇ sǝɹqɐsǝן ɹnoʎ ʇsuıɐbɐ sǝɯɐb oʍʇ ɟo ǝuo sı sıɥʇ buıɹǝpısuoɔ ʎןןɐıɔǝdsǝ 'noʎ ɟo ʇno ʇıɥs ǝɥʇ buıʇɐǝq ɯıɥ ɟo ʎɹoʇsıɥ ɐ ǝʌɐɥ ǝןɐp puɐ noʎ pɐןb ɯ,ı


˙ʇsıן ʎɯ uo ǝuo ɹǝqɯnu uɐɯ ʎןuo sı uosɐɯ ǝsooɯ ʇɐɥʇ ʎɐs sʇǝן ʇnq 'noʎ ʎןuo ǝɯɐןq ʇ,uop ı 'ɥo ¿pǝɹıɟ ǝɯ ʇǝb noʎ uǝɥʇ 'ǝɯ ʇsuıɐbɐ sʇı ssǝןun ʇıɥs ǝʞıן sʎɐןd ɯɐǝʇ ʇıɥs ɹnoʎ ˙uıʞɹǝɯ ɐ sʇı ןןǝʇ uɐɔ ǝuoʎɹǝʌǝ ʇnq 'ʎnb sıɥʇ ǝq oʇ ǝʇɐɥ ı 'ʇunɔ pǝʇɐןnɔןɐɔ ןooɔ noʎ 'ɟɟnɹ ʎpuıן

Its a december thing: Dec. 28, 2011

I thought there was a chance, watching 24/7 (yeah, I got hbo underground, I may be waging a war on the nhl but Im not a poor, gross.) that I may grow to like sean avery, and when I say like, I mean I thought there might be a chance to appreciate his trollmanship. 24/7 is great at humanizing asscunts, for example watching last seasons you'd never have suspected dan byslimia fancy dans his son on a daily basis. But he does.

Nope, i hate sean avery even more. I'm not sure how its possible, but it's true. What a douche snozzle. New York may think their on a douchey hot streak because jack tortollini loo...oh god. I havent had torts since Ive been down here. MOOSE! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME! '

DIG
DIG
DIG
DIOG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
FIG
FIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
FIG
DFI
H"FG
FIG
DI
GDIG
DIG
ID
GID
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DGI
DGID
GIG
DUG
DIG
DIG
DGI
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
DOG

moose. i know you can hear me. ive got a hard on for your death.

p.s. BEAGSSSSSSSSS

My enemy's enemy

Lindy Ruff, you cool calculated cunt, I hate to be this guy, but everyone can tell its a merkin. Your shit team plays like shit unless its against me, then you get me fired? Oh, I don't blame only you, but lets say that Moose Mason is only man number one on my list.

I'm glad you and Dale have a history of him beating the shit out of you, especially considering this is one of two games against your lesabres this week. With all the resale value of a 1990 buick, you must be really proud of ryan milsner this year. Its lucky Lucic ran him so he can blame his shitty play on something. When I'm asked to coach the next olympic team tell that mullet haired bitch (flo-status revoked for goalies with buttholes bigger than their GAA [extra special fuck for from my boy Reggie Wilkenson]) he doesn't even get to try out.

Vanek, Tyler Myers, and Boyes are all out? WOW. That is a surprise to me, a man who had nothing to do with it. Who definatly hasnt been living underground and injuring players with my GOD-LIKE-MOTHER-FUCKING-PROWESS.

Tried to use that power to help our boys in other ways, I snuck into Greenys house on Christmas eve and did the whole ghost of christmas future, and told him by this time next year he would be healed then I went over to koonjabs house and showed him his grave unless he started stepping up. Then I went to Carlsons house and tracked mud all over the carpet because BRUCEY RUNS THE COMMERCIALS IN THIS TOWN.

Pork these New Yorkers.

Moose Mason is the Only Devil I know: Dec 23, 2011

When Brucey shows up to games, (or at least watches form under the arena) the boys can feel it in they bones! I mean, come now, I show and we get an OBS a goal each game. Hot cha cha cha cha. fuck. You'd think 100 miles underground I wouldnt be able to smell the stink of south jersey, but that shit permeates anything. Holy fuck, its like a post-apocalyptic walk to newark. On may walking man radio I hear mike green skated with the team, huzzah mikey. They also said Double Nickel is out, huzzah dale! Something something, fuck the devils.

Now onto the important news. We've made it to the rockies. Progress is tough as anyone who is named John Henry will know, plowing through mountains is rough stuff. Even underground, because under mountains is solid gold, thats what keeps them im place, if they didnt have a solid structure they would just cave in when all those fatties skied on em.

Im coming Moose. Make it a merry christmas, that is if evil twins that are spans of satan celebrate christmas. Because it will be your last.

merry holidays and bruce toots to everyone,
Brucey Beens

HAPPY 1K D MIKE KNUMBLLES: Dec 20, 2011

You done it, of course, only, like, less than 20 fucking percent has been with the Caps. AND WHAT DID BRUCEY TELL YOU BITCHES ABOUT GIVING ONLY 20%?!

...although, i guess thats why they fired brucey. i wanted too much. ];
but i loved too much too.

Because of this monumental achievement, I've left the moles to the drilling and I've come to watch the game today, don't let Papa Beansy down, I need this motivation to keep my drill baby drill meter redlining!
Plus, someones gotta come back and give lil' Greensy his shot to the groin. I'd nominate Eakster, but you stupid fucks sent him back down to Hershey, ITS LIKE IM NOT EVEN RUNNING THIS TEAM ANYMORE!

Berry Trotz is putting in the backup? Holy Porkins man. IS THIS WHAT YOUVE LET US BECOME OVIE! A BACKUP GOALIES PARADIESE? If you dont light up this motherfucker, if you dont brak out of your goddam shell, PAY ATTENTION SAHHHSHA, THIS IS FOR YOU TOO, you stupid fucks, youve taken the red and youre walking all over it, without fucking skateguards on. THEY THINK THEY DONT NEED PEKKKE, MAKE THEM PAYYYE.

Go get em Neuvy.

P.S. Hey faggots, did you know knubes has more goals in his 30's than THE GREAT ONE? true. look it up. Oh, than shit in a jewish donut and eat it for doubting I wouldnt know what the fucking im talking about.


P.P.S. MOOSE MASON, YOU POND SLUCKING FLICKER FLUCK, THE HOUR IS APPROACING. YOU STILL HAVE TIME. BUT SOON YOU WONT. SOON YOU WILL HEAR A KNOCK ON QUACKER STADIUM. And on that day, it will be too late.

p.p.p.s. heres a huge fucking version instead of the gif.

SEND MORE BLASTING CAPS: Dec. 17, 2011

THAT WASNT A PUN. WE'VE HIT SOME MAJOR ROADBLOCKS ON THE WEST SIDE OF THE APPALACHIANS. ASIDE FROM FIGHTING OFF MOTHER FUCKING METH-HEADS, WE'VE COME UP AGAISNT A WALL OF ...ROCK OR SOMETHING. I DON'T SPEAK FUCKING MOLE YET. FUCK! WE'VE BEEN BLOWING OUR WAY THROUGH, AND IV'E LOST SOME OF MY HEARING, I GUESS THE VOICE TO TYPE CONVERTER IS TAKING MY YELLING AS CAPS LOCK. JUST LIKE MY CAPS ARE LOCKED ON WINNING. YA DIG? NO. THATS WHAT THE MOLE-PEOPLE ARE FOR.

SO HERES THE GOD DAMN DEAL. I'VE SENT WARLY A PACKAGE, GOT THE IDEA FROM THIS GUY I MET DOWN HERE WITH A GIANT BEARD AND SUNGLASSES.  UNDERGROUND! WHAT A FUCKING GOOF! ANYWAY, ITS DOUBLE KN-WHAT? OH...oh. My new mole-assistant pulled out some cotton-balls from my ears. Why didn't he tell me about those before.

Well, it's duble knubbles 999th game! Motherfuckers gonna play like satan upside down. Deal with it, I'm too busy to entertain you fucks. Im tunneling through the fucking continent. eat a cunt.

Do it Cappies.

MOlesistant! Cotton.

DO IT CAPPIE BOYSSSSSS!