I went on vacation to Guam yesterday with the MS. DAGMAR. I know it's a tweener day but vacays to guam are in the Bruces contract. Georgies a sucker for my Bettmann impression. Gives Brucey what Brucey needs cuz Brucey NEEDS Pacific islander sminky pinky if you know what I mean dear readers. I digress. The point is that I let my assistant Scott write the first draft of this article. When I read it on the plane ride home from Guam, I ralphed my bloody mary’s onto Kevin Spaceys face (was watching American Beauty for that scene where mieenana suvari shows her ding dongs). A little bit got onto the MS. DAGMAR, but she didn't seem to give a shit. I didn't want to force you all to throw up during your favorite mr skin moments, so I fired Scott. You guys would hate Scott too. Hes so in your face. I don't know, you have to meet him. He says he’s gonna get evicted now that he has no job so hes having a going away party or some shit on the 30th. You guys should go. See what I mean. Fucking asshole…shit. Now I lost my train o’ thought. Fuck you Scott…fuck you hadeed for not puttin me in your commercials no more…fuck you….PITTSBURGH! OF COURSE! Well I’ll be jiggered. I’m in the wrong city! See you in two hours boys! Guess I will be taking Georgies private train. Its got enough heine light to get me buzzed for the game. Ah. Marvelous.
Things To Pack:
Matt Cooke and Aaron Asham: Penguin Pussies Brazzers DVD (gift for Schmitty)
Eric Fehr Memorial Bobblehead
Ice from Heinz Field
Dagmar tooth
Minsa Sumari’s boobies (gift for Schmitty. He gets so bored during games. Jerks it three, four times a period. Guy’s a boss)
FIREBOMB TO DESTROY THE CITY OF PITTSBURGHHHHHH
LETS GO BOYS
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