Dear, treasured booty blog readers, let me assure you…I DID NOT TAKE THE ANAHEIM DUCKS JOB. I was takin my twin brother Moose Mason Boudreau to the Ducks game when I was visitin the fam out in Riverdale, CA and we were tryin to get teemu to autograph our GAP white tees in between periods. One minute I’m screamin out for teemu to fucking look at me and the next I’m watchin my twin brother being dragged up the stairs by the stadium fuzz. I tried to run after them but I had to stop for a DuckDog with the fixins. I spent the next two periods lookin for my brother in every ladies bathroom but I couldn’t find the fella. I assumed he had broken free using his incredible strength and just run home but when I got back to the ranch home he and my grandmother share, he was nowhere to be found. We turned on the tv and saw him holdin up a signed teemu jersey in a Ducks press conference naming him the new head coach. They wanted Bruce the Goose but they got the Moose. And the moose got a gotdamn teemu selanne signed gameworn jersey. That fucking asshole. I’ll teach him/them/everygotdamnbody to steal the bruces identity. From now on, I shall live my life deep under the Verizon center, fighting injustice through the interweb as BruceGoose/BruceToots/Tutes/I, BIGBOOTYBRUCE, PUT OUT A BOUNTY OF 1,000 DOLLARS IN PALMRESTAURANT BUCKS ON THE CONCUSSED HEAD OF SID THE KID CROSBY AS WELL AS ANYONE ELSE WEARING A PENGUIN ON THEIR CREST.
AN ADDITIONAL 200 PALMBUCKS WILL GO TO ANY REDSHIRT WHO SCORES
AN ADDITIONAL 100 PALMBUCKS WILL GO TO ANY REDSHIRT WHO SHAVED THEIR MOVEMBER MOUSTACHE, A MONTH TO BE OFFICIALLY RENAMED “AREALSHITMONTH” ON EVERY CALENDAR
This is the game where Dale and the boys turn the season around. lord knows the goose is fighting WITH you!!!!!
Stay sweet y’all
No comments:
Post a Comment